Angela Rayner has denied being “aggressive” during a meeting of the Grenfell bereaved and survivors when informing them about the decision to dismantle the tower.
The deputy prime minister said it is “not a possibility” for Grenfell tower to remain in its current state.
The tower will be brought down to ground level, with some parts returned where possible to be included in a memorial “if the community wishes”.
The government has officially announced the west London block’s future, having been met with criticism from some bereaved and survivors of the 2017 fire following a private meeting earlier this week.
It was put to Rayner that the BBC was told the meeting was a “car crash” and that a survivor suggested the deputy prime minister was “defensive, even aggressive”.
“Well, I certainly don’t feel like I was aggressive, and if anyone felt that way, then I would be sincerely upset about that,” she told the BBC’s Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg programme.
“I think what I tried to do is take a really difficult meeting and explain to people, and make sure that those that were bereaved had that information, and the survivors had that information before the decision was made public.”
She added: “Now I know that some people in that room felt that they hadn’t been given the opportunity before then.
“I listened to what they said and my conclusion was still that there was, there is not a possibility, really, for that tower to remain as it is going into the future.
“And I tried to deliver that message as sensitively as I possibly could, knowing full well that it was going to be really upsetting for people to hear that.”
Some expressed upset and shock after the meeting with Rayner on Wednesday, saying they felt they had not had their views considered before the decision was taken.
Grenfell United, which represents some bereaved and survivors, said it appeared from the meeting room that “no-one supported” the government’s decision.
Housing minister Matthew Pennycook said it was not “fair” to suggest Ms Rayner’s manner made survivors and bereaved “feel that she wasn’t really paying attention to them”.
He told Sky News’s Sunday morning with Trevor Phillips programme: “I understand why the bereaved, survivors, the community are frustrated about the pace of change in this area, the lack of justice that they’ve been given.
“There’s a lot of frustration in the community. It’s an incredibly sensitive topic.
“The prime minister and the building safety minister have engaged extensively with the community. They’ve had an ongoing dialogue. They’ve had multiple avenues to feed in.
“It is a sensitive issue, and I think the crux of the issue is there’s no consensus on what should happen to the tower, some people want to see that tower remain.”
What is left of the tower has stood in place in the years since the fire, with a covering on the building featuring a large green heart accompanied by the words “forever in our hearts”.
The June 2017 disaster claimed the lives of 72 people.
Pennycook added: “We are going to bring it down because through independent expert advice we’ve been told that it’s unsafe, that it is degrading. We’re going to bring it down, though, I think importantly in a sensitive way.”
The Grenfell Tower Memorial Commission has been consulting on plans for a permanent memorial in the area of the tower, with recommendations including a “sacred space”, designed to be a “peaceful place for remembering and reflecting”.
It is expected a planning application for a memorial could be submitted in late 2026.
By Claudia Savage and Helen Corbett, PA