He may not look like he belongs to Argentina’s selection of messianic football figures. But while Maradona, Messi, Kempes, Bielsa and Simeone have all brought joy and innovation, fellow countryman Bambino Pons, perhaps the game’s most eccentric commentator, delivers music, laughter and absurdity.
Clips of Pons’ unique commentary style went viral in April following Everton’s 1-1 draw with Newcastle. After Dominic Calvert-Lewin scored a penalty, Bambino Pons broke out into a rendition of Italian liberation anthem Bella Ciao – only replacing the usual lyrics with the player’s name. Now Everton fans have their own chant for Calvert-Lewin inspired by Bambino Pons.
“One day they sent it back to me. I don’t know if it was a coincidence or calculated. I show respect to the teams which touch me,” says the 69-year-old.
He is stunned to learn that his ESPN commentary has earned him fame in the UK. “Who told you? I had no idea. It fills me with happiness and pride. I thank them because honestly it touches my heart.
“Celebrities are players, managers. I am not famous. Rooney is famous. Beckham, Maradona, Messi. I am just some guy and people have fun with me.”
Dominic Calvert-Lewin
Bambino’s Eye of the Tiger
Part of the appeal of Bambino singing, say, Paul Scholes’ name to Eye of the Tiger is the DIY quality; lyrics only sometimes scan, his voice struggles to hit the notes. He is aware of this, but sensitive to mockery.
“I will tell you a crazy thing. You will say I am mad, you will laugh,” he says. “I have a lot of urges, I am very embarrassed by it, I am someone who speaks a lot. I am very extroverted.
“But I am also very modest and I don’t like the ridicule when people say ‘old man, stop singing, you are terrible’. I don’t have the throat to sing – the throat of Mick Jagger or McCartney.
I speak to them through Instagram or Whatsapp: [Rodrigo] Bentancur the Uruguayan and Spaniard Pedro Porro
Bambino Pons
“I have the voice of someone who sings badly, but at least more or less on pitch, and I go from deep to high. Singing a song is a laugh.”
Throughout his interview with City A.M., Bambino – real name Juan Manuel Pons – flits between songs and his encylopaedic knowledge of Premier League football. Seconds after talking about Calvert-Lewin, he is singing Didier Drogba’s name to Duran Duran’s Hungry Like The Wolf.
When a club comes up, he affectionately lists players. Manchester United: Andrei Kanchelskis, Gary Pallister and Steve Bruce – or rather “the big Steve Bruce who managed Newcastle”. He has nicknames for others; for example, Edwin van der Sar is Pinnochio “because he looks a lot like the puppet”.
For almost an hour, Bambino speaks as you might imagine a Latin American commentator would: unrelenting pace, few pauses for breath and rambling between incongruent topics. He is unstoppable – and hilarious.
Scholes, Scholes, Scholes
Bambino’s dream
Bambino has had to nurture his love of English football from afar. Asked if he has visited the UK, he embarks on a 12-minute ramble taking in his favourite Argentinian footballers, British rock bands and underdog managers. In summary, his answer was “no”.
He hopes to combine a visit with meeting England-based Argentina stars Emiliano ‘Dibu’ Martinez and Christian ‘Cuti’ Romero and other hispanic players.
“I speak to them through Instagram or Whatsapp: [Rodrigo] Bentancur the Uruguayan, Pedro Porro the Spanish,” he says.
“I would like to see them, not to ask for a shirt – though I would ask for a shirt – but to have this moment with Latin American footballers who are playing very well in the Premier League.
I like Status Quo, who do a song which Arsenal fans like: ‘I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, whooooa… Saka and Emile Smith-Rowe
Bambino Pons
“For at least two weeks, I would like to watch two or three games, but I would like to speak to the players for a short half hour and steal some of their time. I know it’s hard with training, but they are often generous.”
Many of Bambino’s ditties draw on his love of English rock bands. “I am a fan of the Rolling Stones, I like Led Zeppelin, I like punk, I like Duran Duran, which is more romantic,” he says.
“I like Status Quo, who do a song which Arsenal fans like: ‘I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, whooooa… Saka and Emile Smith-Rowe.”
Other favourites include Kasabian (“I’m on fire,” he sings) and the Kaiser Chiefs (he sang Rooney to the tune of Ruby, of course).
The Beatles’ catchy melodies work well for his commentary but are “a bit more commercial”.
In the beginning
There is a perfect circularity between Bambino’s style and British humour. His divine plan came after hearing England fans sing Michael Owen’s name to Guantanamera – much overused as a chant on football terraces – in the 1998 World Cup match with Argentina.
“That stuck with me,” he says. “So I started with Scholes and then Veron at Manchester United. I put these catchy tunes and from there I continued. I don’t know what caused me to sing. Jesus Christ?”
Devil in the detail
Bambino prepares a handful of songs for each game, writing lyrics based on likely scorers beforehand. A decade ago he would use a backing track, but copyright issues ended that.
“I would sing like a monster, but more or less could get the song because music puts you in tune and makes any bad singer better. The Premier League does not allow that now,” he says.
“I have few critics – and I say that without boasting. If I had many against me, I would have stopped immediately. From 2001, I have been singing for 23 years.”
Covering the Premier League fascinates me. I would live forever doing this
Bambino Pons
Looking back
Bambino’s favourite match is Manchester City’s 2012 title-clincher featuring compatriot Sergio Aguero’s late goal. He takes out a picture frame of Aguero’s celebrations. It was gifted to him, he says, with a speaker attached.
“Listen to this,” he teases before pressing play: his own commentary from the game. Perhaps Martin Tyler keeps a similar memento in his living room.
While Tyler, now 78, has stepped back from regular commentary, Bambino is not ready to stop any time soon. “I have a bit of a rusty throat but I am 69,” he says.
“I hope God gives me more health to continue and that the channel keeps me for a bit, and that I can go to Britain, visit a stadium and enjoy the atmosphere.
“Covering the Premier League fascinates me. I would live forever doing this.”